Heartbreak

The worst kind of addiction is love. You can ruin yourself from drug addiction, alcohol addiction or smoking addiction but there is hope for recovery. Whereas, if love ruins you, you lose everything. The one that you love the most ruins you and you are left wondering was it ever love. It destroys your soul into pieces, and you still say, ‘I am sorry’. Even when there is nothing left in your heart you give it away. You are left wondering, ‘Will I ever get it back?’. There is no knife required to have your heart cut into pieces and no glue can ever repair such a heart. The way you lose your hopes, your dreams and your future in a blink of an eye. Drifting mindlessly through time with no care in the world. At that moment, it doesn’t matter if you die or live. There is nothing but a simple word for such a ‘ruin’. Heartbreak. It doesn’t define what a person is going through, but everyone understands. Everyone will say comforting words and you just have to pretend to take their comfort because if you try to explain, you aren’t able to. The one who could understand you without speaking a word has left, and taken a part of you that you will never get back. Left you with a broken heart and memories that your mind will keep playing repeatedly. Not once will you get the time to breathe and call for help. Drowning in misery and memories. Time will keep moving forward but you will not be able to take a step forward, being stuck in the past. Wandering aimlessly in the present with no care for the future. Then your mind starts to wonder were you ever enough and then things take a turn for the worst. You start drowning in guilt while carrying the weight of your broken heart.

 You try to deny these thoughts of self-doubt, but they never leave. You start to remember the things you did wrong. The person you are is not enough. Your love used to tell you that the things you did were not enough, but you know how much you tried. Every day gave it everything you could to just be better and you realized it never mattered in the end. Nothing ever mattered. No matter the amount of effort you gave, it never mattered. The promises of forever and always left empty. You keep denying and waiting for their call to come and tell you it was all a mistake, but you know that the call is never going to come. They are never coming back. It’s all over. You will slowly start to accept that fact and try to start living your life. As you witness the scars on your wrist fade, you are reminded of that all over again and your cycle repeats. The one that you tried so hard to get out of. These cycles keep repeating and slowly you come to realize the outside world. You start to look up as you walk. The beauty of nature and shed a tear unknowingly. The world is vast. There is a lot left to explore and so many new people to meet. A glimmer of hope ignites. A will in your heart. You know there will be a part of you that’s lost forever but it’s a part of you. You are still present at this very moment. Breathing and living. The heartbreak you felt is confirmation that you once loved. There is no going back to the past but there is a future to experience. Things may not be so devastating after all. You may never forget them, but you will live. Try to live another day. Try to be the person you want to be, not what they wanted you to be. You have imperfections and that’s okay. You are human after all. Life isn’t like movies or books, but that’s the beauty of life. Everything is going to be okay in the end.